Friendship Tea

Since arriving in Lilongwe, I have been volunteering in many areas of the city, however the Mother Theresa Orphanage is where I spend most of my afternoons, interacting with the 60+ children that they care for. Last week I happened to be sitting out in the play area of the orphanage when an SUV with 2 women inside pulled up. All of the children ran towards the vehicle to see what was going on. The women opened up the trunk and received cheers from the children but since I was holding two babies in my arms I could only sit where I was and watch everything unfold. The SUV was full of supplies for the orphanage. The kids were very happy as they started to unload the trunk. There were huge bags of maize for nsima, 8 heads of cabbage, 5 boxes of laundry soap, bags of beans, cans of baby formula, bags of pasta and a few more odds and ends. There were no toys, only food, but the children did not seem to care.
Once the SUV was unloaded the children went on playing. The women came over to me and started taking pictures of me holding the orphans. We started talking about where they were from, how long they would be in Malawi, and what organisation they were working with. Caroline is 55 years old, married to the US Ambassador, and will be in country for four years. Judith will also be here for four years with her husband who works with an NGO (I can’t remember which one). Both women were very pleasant and after asking about my purpose in the local community they suggested that I might be interested in coming to meet with the rest of their group, the International Women’s Association of Malawi (IWAM). IWAM was to be holding their first meeting of the year on coming Thursday, and it was an informal “Friendship Tea” to help bring in new members. Judith arranged a ride for me and we determined that I would meet them again in just 2 days.

Thursday morning arrived, and I was to meet a Belgian woman named Pascal who was going to give me a ride to the Friendship Tea. Pascal picked me up and we were on our way to Area 10. I hadn't yet been in this area before, probably because it is a residential area far from the main city. Area 10 wasn't just any residential area, it seemed to be reserved for Lilongwe’s “rich and famous”. We drove down the street and you could only see the tops of houses because high brick walls surrounded all of the homes, protecting them like prison walls. Some of the houses even had towers! The road was well maintained, and there were grassy areas, nicely planted trees and gardens in front of all of the gates, not to mention gardeners outside working away on the flowerbeds. We approached a house with a bunch of cars out front and Pascal said, “This must be it.” We got out of the car and approached the gate to the house. This isn’t your typical North American entry, as behind the gate which blocked the driveway, the home had a guard who's sole purpose was to allow authorized traffic through. The guard let us in and we made our way to the patio area where a bunch of women were already mingling and enjoying themselves over cups of tea.

Judith and Caroline were already there and they called me over to them so that they could introduce me to everyone. Caroline then showed me to a poster that she had made for the meeting. The picture that she had taken of me was on the poster! I am not the most photogenic person, especially when I am talking. It was a horrible photo but of course they said, “Oh, you look fine dear,” trying to make me feel more approving of such a bad photo. Before the meeting started a woman came out onto the patio and asked us to head into the kitchen for some tea and goodies. I entered the house and it was gorgeous. Ceramic tile throughout, arched door ways, mahogany cabinets and tables, a T.V. and the smell of coffee and fresh baked banana bread lingered in the house as I made my way towards the dinning room. Upon reaching the dining room, we noticed the table filled with a feast of sweets. Assorted homemade cookies and tarts, banana bread, English cream crackers with cream cheese and basil on top, cookies half dipped in chocolate, tomato and ham finger sandwiches with the crust cut off, samosa’s, and then something which I thought might be jalapeno poppers but they turned out to be deep fried curry meat with mint chutney. I would have preferred the jalapeno poppers, but what can you do! My mouth was watering as if I hadn’t eaten in weeks, regardless of the 10+lbs that I have gained from all the nsima. I didn’t know where to begin. I looked around for a napkin or a plate to put all of my goodies on. Then a man turned to me and handed me a small saucer sized plate. I asked the man, “Do you have anything bigger than this?” He looked confused and then handed me a napkin. I guess that was as big as it was going to get. So I filled up the plate AND the napkin. With both hands full, I made my way back to the patio area totally forgetting that I still hadn’t gotten a cup of tea! I found a seat in the corner where I tried to hide my gluttony and started chatting it up with a lovely woman from Greece, and was soon joined by 2 more ladies, one from Zimbabwe and another from South Africa. We made small chat until the meeting started. I was excited for the meeting to start so that I could really see what I had gotten myself into.

The woman whose house we were in started the meeting. She told us what IWAM was all about, which only took about 5minutes. IWAM is basically a woman’s group that meets once a month to raise money for charity groups like the Mother Theresa Orphanage, and a few random organisations all within the city of Lilongwe. They didn’t seem to really focus on any issues or have a real charity “goal”. After she was done, Caroline stood up and discussed her poster and named off a list of groups that IWAM helps with. Once Caroline was finished discussing the poster, the meeting was over. The floor was not open for questions or comments. We were encouraged to join IWAM if we were not members already, and then after that enjoy some more goodies. I did as I was told and headed back to the dining area for some more goodies. On my way there I was stopped by Judith and a woman named Celia. Celia was interested in having me come along with her once a week to take toys to different orphanages in the city. We discussed the idea and are still working out the details of that adventure. During our discussion Celia told me that she is in her 50’s and is originally from England, but has been in Lilongwe for 13 years. She speaks the local language of Chichewa and asked me if I knew any. I told her that I have a cheap book that I am using but it isn’t very useful. I then told her, “There is another book called Tyiani that I plan on getting once I save up enough money. My husband and I just arrived and are volunteers here, so books are not the top priority at this point." Then asking her if she'd ever heard of this "Tyiani book?” Celia just smiled and then said, “Oh yes, I have heard of it…actually, I am the author. I wrote it with the help of my Chichewa teacher.” I was so surprised. I congratulated her on her book, and told her all of the good things that I had heard about it. I was hoping that she would magically pull out a spare copy of the book and give it to me, but no such luck. Celia asked me for my contact information and said that she is going to sort some things and then give me a call about getting together to go to different orphanages. Celia was leaving the meeting so we said our goodbyes, and I headed back towards the dinning room hoping that I wouldn’t be stopped again. When I got to the dinning room table it looked as though nobody had even touched it. The plates were all restocked full of goodies and the tea pot and creamer were all topped up. I grabbed a fresh plate and slowly made my way around the table making sure that I hadn't over looked anything. The man that had handed me my plate came out of a swinging door that I assumed lead to the kitchen. He brought out some freshly squeezed orange juice and placed it on the table. I wasn’t sure what to do now. Do I take OJ, tea and a plate of food? Or maybe I should just set up camp in the kitchen and talk with the women who are making their rounds of the table, that way I won’t look like I am constantly eating platefuls of food. Genius! I spent 20 minutes hovering over the table before Pascal told me it was time to leave. The next meeting was to be in a month, at the US Ambassadors house and they would like it if I could attend. As I was getting ready to leave with Pascal, saying my thank you's and goodbyes, Caroline said, “I am going past your house, let me take you home. I have two other women who I am driving home and they didn’t get a chance to meet with you. Please come with us.” I agreed since my house was out of Pascal’s way.

I joined Caroline in her car and she introduced me to the two other ladies with her. As we were driving they asked me where I was living and I told them that I was currently staying in Area 3 but would be moving to Kawale shortly. For some reason they misunderstood what I was saying and thought that I was already living in Kawale. They asked about my accommodations and the family that I was staying with. As I answered their questions, they looked at me as if I was crazy. The woman seated next to me suddenly looked to Caroline and said, “Please drop me off outside of my house. I don’t want Erin to see where I live.” Caroline said, “Don’t be silly. I am taking you in.” As we pulled up to this woman’s house the guard opened the gate and we drove in. I asked the lady about the different buildings on her property. The woman just started smiling and told me that she was too embarrassed to answer. Finally she started telling me, “Over there is the guest house. If you ever want to get away from Kawale you can stay there. The main house is here, and the building next to it is the servant’s quarters. Thanks for the lift Caroline, and good luck in Kawale Erin. I look forward to seeing you next month.” Then she was off. Caroline drove me home from there and I said that I would see them again next month.

When I got home I was all alone, but it was a great time for me to reflect on the day. I found myself questioning the role that IWAM is trying to play, which lead me to other questions: What is the role of IWAM? What is their overall goal? Does it make sense?
How much more information do I need before deciding to join or not?
Is it a respectable organisation and is it worthy of me?
What impact do I want to have in Malawi or within IWAM? Is it worth it?
What is IWAMs message and how might it be misunderstood?
I found myself realizing that I had very little information on the organisation so I decided I would commit to attending a few more meetings before I made a final decision on whether or not to join. In the very least, I was glad to have been able to socialize with women from other countries and enjoy some great food. I also realized I was looking forward to going to the Ambassador’s house next month, if for nothing else but the experience. With that said, I hope to find myself able to tease out the answers to my questions above, gaining the information necessary to make the correct decision for me, whether or not to join IWAM?